Shiva Minyan
To everything there is a season, and a time to every purpose under heaven – a time to be born, and a time to die.”
Ecclesiastes 3:1-2
Shiva (literally “seven”) refers to the seven-day period of formalized mourning by the immediate family of the deceased. It begins immediately after burial and concludes on the morning of the seventh day. In light of the economic hardship due to observing seven days, many abbreviate this period to three days. While it is customary to observe shiva in the home of the deceased, when this is not possible, shiva may be observed in the home of an immediate family member of friend. Shiva is observed for one’s parents, siblings, children and spouse.
When returning from the cemetery, there is usually a pitcher of water and towels outside the door for a ritual hand washing, symbolizing the cleansing oneself of ritual impurity associated with death and the cemetery. Upon entering the home, a candle is lit which will burn for seven days, symbolizing both the soul of the deceased and the presence of God, and serves as a mark of respect to the memory of the deceased.
Shiva customs
Mourners sit on low stools in place of, or in addition, to chairs. It is probable that this practice gave rise to the expression “sitting shiva.” Sitting on low stools is a means of expressing grief and a way of distinguishing this week of sorrow from everyday life. Mirrors in the house are covered to indicate that personal appearance does not matter during this time period. The first meal served to mourners after returning from the cemetery is called a suedat havraah- a meal of condolence. Traditional foods include lentils, hardboiled eggs and bread, simple and easily digestible food, and it is usually a dairy meal. Eggs are symbols of life, to affirm hope in the face of death and resilience in the face of tragedy. Many people bring food to a house of mourning to help free the family from everyday concerns.
During the shiva period, friends and family perform the mitzvah of “comforting the mourner” by visiting the house of the mourners. The presence of friends and family helps the mourners heal. It is traditional not to knock or ring the bell, but rather just to enter the house of mourning. As you enter the house of mourning, a family member or friend may meet you and usher you in. It is customary to wait and speak until the mourner speaks. Just your presence is comforting, and words are not always necessary. You should be supportive, listen and respond to the mourner. Except for food, it is not customary to bring anything to a house or mourning. It is customary to make a donation to the deceased’s favorite charity in his or her memory.
According to Jewish tradition, certain behaviors and actions are proscribed during the shiva period, including leaving the house (except to go to synagogue on Shabbat), work or business pursuits, shaving or haircuts, use of cosmetics, wearing of leather shoes, festivities of any kind, wearing new clothes, pleasurable physical activities, and studying Torah (except for Job and some sections of Jeremiah pertaining to sorrow).
Shiva may be shortened by the arrival of a Jewish holiday or Festival. Check with our Rabbi for more information and guidance.
Sheloshim
Sheloshim is Hebrew for “thirty” and refers to the traditional thirty-day mourning period following the burial. It includes the seven days of shiva. The twenty-three days following the first seven are less restrictive, and the mourner may return to work. The mourner continues to recite Mourner’s Kaddish, but does not attend parties or festive occasions, and many forms of entertainment are curtailed. At the end of the thirtieth day, a brief memorial service is held. This concludes the traditional mourning period for all loved ones but parents, and the mourner may return to a full business and social life. A parent is traditionally mourned for eleven months.
Yahrzeit Minyan
Yahrzeit is a German/Yiddish word meaning “year’s time” and refers to the annual commemorations of a loved one’s death. It is traditionally marked by the Hebrew calendar date, and our office will send you a notice of the secular and Hebrew dates that a family member’s yahrzeit falls on so that you may say Mourner’s kaddish. Customs regarding observance of a yahrzeit include lighting a 24-hour candle on the eve of the date, reciting Mourner’s Kaddish, lighting the memorial plaque at the synagogue, visiting the cemetery, and giving tzedakah in memory of the deceased. If you contact our office, we will arrange to have a minyan available for you.